I Think I’m Cursed

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!

Nice wy to start a post, right? Sorry, I just had to get that out of my system. So, let’s see… Where to start? Remember that time that I was working all summer so that I could pay off my debt and have a little breathing g room financially for the winter? Well firstly, my boat suddenly developed an oil leak. It had to be fixed. Not only would an oil leak turn in to major engine damage over time, but I couldn’t in good conscious have my boat in the water knowing I was causing damage to the environment (more than I usually do). $1400 for the fix.

Secondly my basement started leaking. No major river, but any leak is a bad thing. So I’ve torn out the drywall, vapor barrier, and insulation exposing the foundation. It’s a bit of a mystery. No cracks… I’ve spent hours contemplating what the problem could be. Now I need a major rain storm to see if I’ve fixed it. I lie in bed at night thinking about how much it’s going to cost to dig up the back yard and water proof if my “fix” wasn’t the issue.

Thirdly, I got in shit at work from management for expressing an opinion. An opinion people. Not breaking the rules or policy, but saying what I think. I’m in no danger of getting fired (I’m an unionized public servant, good luck), but it really bothers me. What the fuck is this world coming to when you can’t express yourself? I’d tell you more about it, but section 107 of the particular government act I enforce, prohibits it. Trust me, you’d shake your head if you knew…

Fourthly, my leg injury doesn’t seem to be improving. It pains me constantly. Plus, after checking out my knee X-rays this week, the doctor has ordered MRI on both of them. To top it all off, I’m sick as fuck!!! ARGHHHHHJH!!!! I can’t train for the Ontario BJJ provincial championships which is fast approaching.

I’m very frustrated with everything. I don’t deal with stress well. It all bottles up inside me and I end up in a depression which affects my sleep and general mood. Of course this affects my family. It’s hard to look on the bright side, you know?

That’s all.

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8 comments on “I Think I’m Cursed

  1. I hear you brother: I’ve been job hunting (finally an offer…), dealing with on-going minor injury, and sometimes feel as if I want to punch certain individuals in the face for all of the stupid shit they do and say. For me I have to keep in mind that it is the ebb and flow of life that makes this so, and that it has nothing to do with us being cursed, really. As hard as it is, and as psychotic as things get in my brain, I just have to constantly try and remove all judgment from my thinking, and focus as best I can on what I can do in the moment. I know it may sound like crap, but shit passes, and then things quiet down for a time…

  2. I haven’t really been on here for a while, but when I do come back I always read your posts. Like the previous commenter said it really is just about the ebb and flow of life. It just seems to you right now that everything is happening at once! The boat and the house leaking… I hope these things get fixed. The work thing, just put it in perspective. A person should respect your right to an opinion whether they agree with it or not. It isn’t really worth trying to reason with someone who doesn’t even respect another human being’s right to an opinion. It is just a job, life outside that is way more important.

  3. I feel your pain. Some days you’re the hammer and some the nail!

    Take heart. I’m starting month five of the nasty meds, my injuries seem healed, and I am tracking to return to martial arts in Feb. 2014. The almost six months of crap piling up was rough, however, things eventually pass.

    I bet they will for you too!

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